International Relations Theory for Father’s Day

Stephen Walt has a fun piece on the International Relations Guide to Parenting. Here’s a taste:

[N]o parent can monitor everything a child does (and you’d end up with a pretty neurotic kid if you tried), and you eventually reach a point where physical restraint (in IR terms, “pure defense”) isn’t practical. So we all rely on deterrence — “if you hit your sister/brother, I’ll take away your X-Box for a week.” But we all know the various subterfuges that states (and siblings) employ to negate a deterrent threat. Remember classics like: “It’s not my fault….he started it!” Or “I didn’t hit him, I just poked him.” (Sounds like the Middle East, doesn’t it?) And when parents get desperate, they turn to foreign aid (aka bribes): “If you finish your homework, I’ll take you out for ice cream.” Schelling was probably right: you can learn just about everything you need to know about this subject by raising a child.

[T]he whole field of asymmetric conflict can prepare you for another aspect of child-rearing: your superior education, physical strength, and total command of financial resources will not translate into anything remotely resembling “control.” A two-year old who is barely talking can destroy a dinner party or a family outing just by being stubborn, and a smart, loving, strong and wealthy parent can be damn near helpless in the face of a sufficiently willful son or daughter. Read Andrew Mack, Ivan Toft, or James Scott on “asymmetric conflict” and the “weapons of the weak” before you have kids, and at least you’ll be forewarned.

Network theory is still underdeveloped in the field of international relations, but it tells you a lot about your social life once you have children. You used to pick your friends based on common interests, professional associations, or simple serendipity; now you’ll find that your children are in effect choosing some of your friends for you, depending on who they like in school or who’s on their soccer team. This is actually one of the unexpected benefits of parenthood; just don’t be surprised if your social circle looks a lot different by the time your child reaches ten.